On Tuesday at school we began to say goodbye to half of our class. We the juniors helping the seniors through their graduation, becoming seniors ourselves and waiting to meet the new juniors.
The program at National Holistic Institute runs in a cycle where the new class coming in is joining a group of students who are 1/2 way through the
Massage therapy program. As new folks come in they meet at orientation with people who are already familiar with the loving and open culture of massage therapists willing and able to help them into the world of body therapy, and energy work.
When I began school I met a beautiful bunch of friends, who I grew to love, and practice, and learn Massage with. Wednesday, some of them graduated. I love them. The day before they graduated we had a closing circle day, about what we learned, and where the senior class was going, and of course it was our opportunity to say our goodbyes. Lots of tears from our mentors (instructors), hugs, and plans.
That morning each of us wrote our name on a sheet of blank paper on and then passed them around like the class, like the pages of a yearbook. On my page among the beautiful messages to me was an unsigned message,
“Really what are you doing here?”
Our Hidden Light is a Gift
I read everything but my eyes were constantly drawn back to that message. I want you to know that I believe I go to school in a culture of support, a Massage tribe of fellow healers. I know this message written was probably as a cheek compliment but, and here is my questioning mind, it stuck to me and I couldn’t shake it. I didn’t take it as a negative but it caused me to pause and wonder. Tuesday at school was about review, about closure. Completing a circle I asked myself, what AM I doing here?
My soul-sister Astrid and I had talked a lot about my choice to enter the National Holistic Institute and my life path at that time. Having been laid off from my Real Estate job (aka my alter ego Alison Dubois job) I was at a crossroads, looking for my next step. That’s what friends are for providing support, love, feedback and companionship. Right? I felt that I had entered into a program at NHI that would compliment my already growing energy practice but the little note stirred up so many thoughts. GOOD thoughts digging like seeds into the soil of my soul. It brought all sorts of things out of the darkness, with a thought flowering that said, “Wow. What do I not see about myself?”
What do we not see about ourselves?
How much beauty, light, and right-to-be do we urge in our secret thoughts and how much do we crush? How many seeds within our psyche are plants of poison, or plants of balm and bloom? What grows there inside you is a garden of thought and feeling, a jungle of emotions and memory, a spiraling maze of imagination capable of the most profound insights.
I ask what do I need to recognize in myself that others see and I do not? Is there a light there? Do they see something I hold back? Do friends and clients see the radiance I do not? Have I diminished myself for some reason? I suddenly had the feeling I have shuttered my light.
We all have a light within us, a seat of consciousness that radiates out and into all that we do. Sometimes colored or diminished by our beliefs, other times it is hidden. Fear of rejection. Fear of pain. I think it’s time to stop hiding that light, I believe it’s time to stop living in a place of fear, and I feel it is time to move that fear to the side and allow the talents of the authentic self to emerge.
Come out and play!
One thing now I know to be true is that the seed of light within you is ready to sprout. Many of us walk into rooms, into jobs, and relationships thinking that we will be recognized for some fault and there is a hesitation, a holding back that occurs that may be rooted in some past hurt which causes us to doubt our self. I think this is a thought that is unworthy of you, as a human being, heart and soul. Our doubt causes us to hold this bit of ourselves back because we think that we will be judged, rejected, or if in revealing that secret self [our light] we will be turned away.
We are on a journey, a path in this life to be, as a wonderful woman named Cheryl Stoll-Thygeson once said to me, our joy. That “joy” is our soul, our light, our hidden consciousness that some have called the thought-behind-the-thought, the true being. The hidden self is the true self. That awareness that often takes decades of soul-searching, experience, and the human condition to find. Sometimes it emerges out of tragedy, other times in training, but there is always that darkness that obscures it, a necessary shell until the time becomes right for us to emerge.
This year I have made a goal of transmitting this message that we are this light and it is time that it is revealed. In the Tarot I know this radiance as the Hermit, and with his little lantern light, his wisdom shines… tho he may need some coaxing and encouragement to come out of the cave of being. As we progress along the Fool’s path we come to this realization, the importance of our gifts and their relevance to our happiness. In the Tarot we are these cards because the Fool journey’s through the deck illuminating aspects of our soul, personality, connection and distinction in each of the figures in the cards he meets.
We come the Hermit and we see that we are the hidden light.
“This little light of mine,
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.”
The secret of the Hermit, the focus of the first part of this years Tarot Cycle is to bring our light out and to the front. Often times we do not see our own light because we are so focused on all the parts of who we are from our highest thoughts to our deepest fears, they clump together forming the all-of-us. We suddenly have this brilliance within us, from the heart, something expansive that wants to come out and then we think, “oh I couldn’t say that” or “If I did this [____] would happen” fearing rejection, but as Cheryl and many others have taught me, there is no good purpose in hiding your light from those who could benefit from the radiance.
I can write this and you may say that “it’s all well in good on paper, or in theory, but I’m wrong.”You might say that life isn’t that perfect and “people may still reject me,” and I will say, yes they might but how does that diminish your own light?
When the true-self is expressed, the radiance is put out there and it is alive, and it is not our responsibility to carry the burdens of others by agreeing with their own self doubt, that may be revealed in our shining. Those who cannot accept the light within themselves probably aren’t going to embrace our radiance.
Yet there seems to be a lesson for the Hermit, he or she is asking themselves, “Really, why am I here?”
Is it to keep what you have inside yourself to yourself, or for a “select few?” This edges on the message of the bigger picture, the real meaning (in my opinion) of the energy of the present, and that present is asking for our presence.
Pull a little Ram Dass out of your secret pocket and “Be here, now” let the revelation begin. Pull a little light from our hidden self and the essence of our divinity is expressed.
“Since divinity is the essence of every being, we must not let our moral judgments obscure from us the fact that God is shining through all things, even those of which we cannot approve.”
~ Joseph Campbell in Baksheesh & Brahman
I know my journey has been long and in this last year I’ve really started to come out of my shell almost naturally and without effort. The work I have been involved with asked me to take part in doing what I know I want to do and not what I think that others think I should. Yet there is wisdom in the perspective of others who are supporting me, the question, the parting of the personal veil into another that allows us to see inside of us, inside of them, on this journey of life. You may not see the value in what you bring to the table, good friends and bright lights are there to remind you your value.
You are better than you believe, I promise.”
Speaking of the moon, she turns dark on the 19th, a time for us to collectively go within.I think of it as a time to journey into these deep places and seek wisdom. Carolyn Casey said in the last Visionary Activist show, the [dark moon] is “the time traditionally that people would gather in council to determine the course of culture,” (then) “and we love the word culture, when we look up the word in any good dictionary the first four or five definitions are, what do we grow?” So this is a time of culturing of tending to our inner world, of coming together and sharing that light of wisdom…
I feel that at this time, more so than others, we are tending our inner light, bringing out our wisdom. I believe that we are given the opportunity to usher that authentic expression into the world and if we take it we will grow. We can explore and be our essential expressions as conscious, activate beings, as nature has so magnificently provided for us in the sprouting up we-people on this planet, at this time, now.
Be your light which is your consciousness, that is the gifts you are drawn to bring to the world. Feel it, follow it, think it, do it, love it.
“The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back.”
~ Ram Dass
Tarot Cycle: The Lovers
I didn’t intend it but as I wrote this entry it dovetailed into the next card on the Tarot Cycle path. That day is today. This new moon we move closer to our destination, a stop along the way to the Hermit. Before we reach him we learn a from a new phase of our growth and that comes with the wax and wane of the moon, and the turning of a card. The Lovers comes to our table.
The Lovers create a triad of energy with our self, our authentic self, and the bliss energy that is generated when we embrace the call to emerge. This generates love, a third energy and as we know all good things happen in threes. The power of the Lovers is speaking to us in saffron tongues and rose-colored lips, words of beating hearts whispered into our ears. They throw their arms around our shoulders in a kind embrace, speaking to us about our relationships.
In the shuttered light of the Hermit’s path the Lovers asks us about our relationship to our bliss. It is a card about the art and craft of relationships…
More to come on this because I want to return to the question, “Really, what are you doing here?” The message I think is clear, or if it is muddled for you, then it’s time to seek some clarity. If you are on this earth for any one thing it is that you are created to cast a light. Like a lily revealing its bud and flowers, there is a growing that can occur in each of our lives that is in the process.
We in our time may reach a point of growth and a some new leg of our journey begins. In this newness we may reserve ourselves, we may not see the radiance that we cast and question whether we have purpose, right, or power. We may wonder suddenly where we are.
Doubt is an exceptional state of being, a retraction within an expanded state of consciousness where we have suddenly realized how large our awareness has become. Doubt includes others in our thinking and I think it reveals the borders of our minds, the places we must seek, the parts we must draw out, and our self that is ultimately pointing at the very challenge we must face in growing… Fear.
We question. I think that the answer is not do we or do we not shine, but did we work our magick [our light] in such a way in each moment that we are called, or did we hold it back?
Like the alluring scent of a flower to the hummingbird. Like the frog who hears the call and so sings in the night sky. Life calls you to emerge.
Really, why are you here?
Be your light which is found in what brings you the most excitement. Be your secret self, that one who is tucked away snug in shadow, waiting to be revealed wanting to speak and that you seek to hold back. Be your heart, your spirit, and let that blossom from the darkest parts of being let roots take hold and that fragrant being of life spring forth.
“One doesn’t become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. The latter is more difficult, and therefore less popular”
I hope this finds you well and I welcome your thoughts on this.
You can read more about the Tarot Cycle, my intent with the cards, and catch up with the full exploration atLifencompass.com.
Scott / Lifencompass
Art, divination, and healing.
Visit my new body and spirit site
- Got my calendar up for Massage & Reiki in DTLA (lifencompass.tumblr.com)
- More Practical Tarot for the Holidays (llewellyn.com)
- Another sneak peek (llewellyn.com)
- Frost Moon Rites (witchofforestgrove.com)
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